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People say that I am:
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An elven bard walks into a tavern and asks the crowd, "Who's dragon is that outside?"
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The bard sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well.the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
Moral: Always chew your food.
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Things that have bothered me:
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A horde of orcs is wandering through the countryside looking for towns to pillage when the chieftain spots a lone dwarf standing on a rocky outcropping atop a nearby hill.
The dwarf yells as loud as he can, "I am Bjorn Bjornson and I dare you to send your best warrior up here!"
The orc chieftain points at this best warrior and off he goes around the outcropping. The dwarf jumps down and the sounds of battle are heard. Seconds later the orc's head comes rolling down the hill.
The dwarf climbs back up and yells, "I am Bjorn Bjornson and I dare you to send your two best warriors up here!"
The orc chief points at his two best warriors and off they go. Moments later there are sounds of battle and then both orc heads come rolling down the hill.
The dwarf climbs back into view and yells again, " I AM BJORN BJORNSON AND I DARE YOU TO SEND YOUR 10 BEST WARRIORS UP HERE!!"
The orc chief waves and his 10 best warriors run around the outcropping. After a few seconds, all 10 heads come rolling down the hill.
The dwarf climbs bacl up on the outcropping and yells, "I AM BJORN BJORNSON AND I DARE YOU TO SEND YOUR 100 BEST WARRIORS UP HERE!!"
The orc chief motions and 100 orcs charge up the hill. The clash of weapons starts ringing down the hill and dozens of orc heads start bouncing across the ground.
Eventually, one orc comes running back down and starts screaming, "Boss, it's a trap! Dere's two of dem!"
_________________
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I am looking for:
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A dwarf and an elf step into a restaurant and sit at the table. The waitress asks if she could take their order.
The Dwarf says. "I'll take a 24oz steak. Rare. With a bottle of Dragonfire."
The Waitress responds, "And what about the vegetable?"
The Dwarf looks at the elf and growls, "He'll take the steak too, and HE'LL LIKE IT!"
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My funniest life experience:
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An orc walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bartender says "Wow, that's really neat. Where'd you get it?"
"In a cave." the parrot replies.
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Cool Movies:
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How do you know a dwarf raided your pantry?
Only the bottom halves of the shelves are empty.
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My Favorite Groups are:
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How do you know an elf raided your pantry?
Only vegetables and fruits are missing.
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I am looking for a personality like:
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A pair of Clerics are walking down the street when they encounter a pig. This pig, oddly, has only its front legs, its back end supported by a pair of wheels. The pig squeals urgently to the clerics, and walks off, turning every few steps to look back at the clerics. Realizing that the pig wanted them to follow, the clerics hurried after the animal, which led them to a farmhouse.
Inside was an injured farmer, trapped beneath a pile of fallen crates. The clerics quickly aid the man, helping him out from beneath the crates and healing him.
"Thanks a lot," said the farmer, "y'all saved my life!"
"You have your pig to thank," said one cleric.
"Yep," said the farmer, "that's the third time that the pig's saved my life!"
One of the clerics, curious, asked him, "Why does that pig only have two legs?"
The farmer replied, "You don't just eat a pig like that all at once!"
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Are you willing to compromise in difficult times and situations?
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How do you know an ogre raided your pantry?
Pantry? What pantry?
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Willingness to meet others from boM:
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What's the worst thing you could ever give a gnome for christmas?
-A chemistry set, because then you know the ENTIRE city is at risk.
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Are you ready to start from scratch?
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Q: What's the difference between a Red Dragon and a giant furnace?
A: Adventurers don't throw themselves at furnaces.
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My typical day:
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Two accolytes are traveling through Ravenloft when a vampire jumps on their cart from an overhanging tree.
The one accolyte turns to the other and says, "Quick! Show him you're cross!"
The other accolyte turns to the vampire and shouts angrily, "Get off our f*cking cart you ahole!"
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My Wish List Includes:
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A minotaur, three priestesses of Sune, a drow slave, a halfling in a chicken suit, and a dozen ducks walk into a bar. The bartender looks up at them and asks "What is this, a joke?"
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My Videos/Music/Other Content:
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Religion Is Not Important to me in relationships.
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I'm not Materialistic.
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I Don't Smoke.
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I Don't Drink.
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I Like Pets.
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Sometimes I like to travel.
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Sometimes I am an active person.
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I Don't spend long hours at Work.
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Sometimes I am a spontaneous person.
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Friends Are Important to me.
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I Don't Like having Competitive Partners.
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I Don't Like Clubs/Bars.
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My life is somewhat stressfull.
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I sometimes try to stay in shape.
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I Don't Want to get Married.
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I Don't Want to have Kids.
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Sometimes I can be stubborn.
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Sometimes I enjoy going to the movies.
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Sex Is Important to me.
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Sometimes it's important to have a clean house.
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